Well - it's been one hell of a journey for me over the past couple of years with regards to weight loss. In 2009 I lost 15kg going absolutely insane on a three month body challenge which resulted in me having the best physique I could imagine for myself - only to sit here today two years later talking about 'what I used to have'
.BEFORE THE WEIGHT LOSS
I was depressed, drinking, partying and a lost little soul. I had been weighty for quite some time so I was used to the feeling of extra weight and even tried to convince myself and others that I was okay with that, however behind closed doors I would gorge on chippies, chocolate, take-away, and - wait for it - 2-3 LITRES OF COCA-COLA
per day! Yes, I was personally responsible for keeping that bloody company running! I always felt sluggish; like I was stuffed with pillows and I was forever tired, moody, anxious and everything else that one usually feels when they're not eating right or exercising. I am an emotional eater too, so because I was constantly feeling down about myself I would head straight to the cupboard, fridge, neighbours' fridge (just kidding!), Coca-Cola factory (just kidding again!) - but seriously I would eat myself into even more of a depression, and do it so blindly I could see no way out.DURING THE WEIGHT LOSS
I had a very low calorie intake on the body challenge and already noticed a difference in the first four days, especially around my belly. It just seemed lighter. As days progressed I felt a sense of worth, power and reason - it was weird. Although there definitely were physical changes, the most amazing was how I felt health-wise mentally. However in regards to the physical changes, people were noticing differences within the first two weeks and friends would say, "Wow! Look at your arms!" or "Far out! You've lost so much weight!" and it made me feel happy. The weight started to drop off fast and determination had set in like you wouldn't believe, and I was a healthy force to be reckoned with! Coca-Cola almost went out of business! Although I will say during the first two weeks I was one moody, MOOOODY grumpybum whose soft drink habits were being tested like never before - but I turned away from it. AFTER THE WEIGHT LOSS
This is going to sound egotistical no matter how I put it, but I'm sure others will admit to this too. There is a different feeling having the physique you've always wanted - and people treat you accordingly. I had such healthy confidence and pride and people picked up on it and complimented me on everything from my skin to my physique. People really treated me differently like I was important, and even men would notice! I admit I felt more sexy than ever. Hehe.
Putting on clothes was amazing! EVERYTHING fitted! I'd look in the mirror and think, "What? That did
fit?" and I would read "size 8" on the tag and giggle, then of course go and try on more clothes even if I had no intention of buying (much to the dismay of the retailers). I would walk and not feel heavy, I no longer had to sit covering my belly with my arms whilst trying to pretend that's not what I was doing (especially in photos), and even when I sat my belly was non-existent. I felt great, and didn't care what angle a photo was taken from either!
Most of all I felt accomplished, motivated, healthy like crazy to the point where everything had so much damn clarity that it was sometimes scary! I felt fit, beautiful and strong with the utmost of energy. Running up a flight of stairs required the same energy as flopping into a couch.NOW
Well, I don't know what happened really. I felt I had done so well that afterwards I treated myself... then treated myself again... then, treated myself just one more tiny widdlee time, then, ummmmm... and that's when everything began to unravel and spiral back out of control. I did the challenge but did not give myself maintenance goals which meant I had no idea where I was headed so I went the only way I knew, and that was backwards. I began to think, "That's okay, I deserve it", "Just this once, I'm still skinny", etc., etc. And to my dismay two years down the track I'm 15kg heavier, chubby, drinking Coca-Cola again (just finished a can now) and I'm constantly comparing myself to 'my better self'.
I'm not blaming anyone or anything for gaining the weight again, but I am giving myself the reason that I did not have another plan of action to continue my journey through health and fitness. PLEASE LEARN FROM ME! Always have a plan of action for when you finish something - there's no use stopping at an intersection and having no idea which lane you're moving into (hey, not too bad an analogy, eh? Hehehe).
I've also gone back to lacking in confidence, not wearing what I wish to, feeling sluggish and gross, and people don't even bat an eyelid at me and men, well, they look at the girl next to me - I don't feel sexy anymore and I miss it. I've lost that physique that was so strong and motivated others too (I remember advising people on health and they would listen with their ears pricked up). I've shed tears about it all because for me it was like being told you'd won the lottery, got given the cheque and just as you were about to spend it, they realised they made an error and took it back from you. Only with this I can't blame anyone but me.WOW!
Do you know how good that feels to let all this out? I'm even feeling a little emotional writing it because I've never shared this journey so deeply with anyone before, and maybe this just might be the catalyst for me to step outside the square (or in my case the circle - circle is round, as in chubby, geddit?) and just throw myself back into it. I really want to - so terribly, defiantly, aggravatingly, desperately so - but if I could just find the keys then I can start the ignition, and turn into the right lane afterall.