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"ME" time

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"ME" time

Postby tiffanyp » Wed Jan 10, 2007 1:40 pm

At what point do we women snap with a nervous breakdown and start to demand 'ME' time from our husbands and children?

I just put a posting in the Gym Junkie section 'cause I just cannot understand how you amazing women fit in so much excercise.

I literally run from the moment my eyes open to the point late at night when I flop in to bed!
At which point I have only had approx 30 mins to myself all day (which is usually in the morning when I am in the shower getting ready for work - which I might add I am usually interupted at least 5 times by either my kids, or my husband!!)

It is not that I am feeling overwhelmed, just a whincy bit frustrated that I cant seem to fit myself in to my busy schedule....

My children wont go to bed for my husband, my husband is traditional and thinks a woman belongs in the kitchen (albeit he is supportive of my profession, he just often forgets that the other full time job of being a mother can sometimes be hard when you are working from 8.30pm - 7.00pm most nights!

Where oh where is my Fairy Godmother!!!?????

Tiffany (a tinsy bit stressed out! :? )
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Postby masm » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:03 pm

Geez Tiffany I cant say I am overly impressed with your hubbie. Either he is traditional (wife does house work etc and doesnt work) or he is not traditional (wife goes to work and you share house stuff)! Sounds like he is having his cake and eating it too!!! I'd be getting him to chip in or quitting your job!

FH and I share everything - he cooks, I do the dishes. He works more hours than me so I clean the house though he will help out and especially if I ask him. We grocery shop together mainly because we seem to forget everything if either of us go alone. And when his kids are over we both chip in with baths, bedtimes, meals, cleaning etc. Though the youngest is 6 so they pretty much do everything for themselves and clean up after themselves (it took us a long time to train them and now we are reaping the benefits)
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Postby tiffanyp » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:08 pm

Thanks MASM,

Usually my husband can be pretty good, but since he is working shift work (Pilchard Fishing) he comes home to rest, and rest he does!
I have to get tougher, but it is very hard to get a man who has been brought up with a mother who literally does EVERYTHING to understand the demands running a house with two kids takes.
He would like to think he isnt traditional by 'allowing me' to work, but really... he is traditional in his thinking. Does that make sense.

Maybe I need a new husband!
Only kidding...
Tiff
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Postby masm » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:14 pm

lol yeah Tiff that makes sense. How old are your kids? Can they chip in a bit? The only way you are going to get any "me" time is by finding some extra time somewhere :?
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Postby Jenni » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:29 pm

Hi Tiffany,

Sounds like you need to have a 'family meeting' - Brady Bunch style!

I have to get my daughter to day care by 7 am so I can start work at 7:45. So I get up at 5am and the first thing I do is get myself ready so that she is still asleep (as our littlies do need their rest ;)

Then about 6ish I wake her up, dress her, and have her breakfast ready for her to eat. Then I have time to make the beds and pack her bag. Then we leave. Never fails.

If your kids are still asleep while your getting ready, they cant disturb you :)

I also have the advantage of having a gym where I work so I cant complain. Im not sure how old your children are however many gyms have creche's that you can drop them off at for an hour while you do a workout after work? Once again, im not sure how your day is scheduled but I hope my ideas help a bit ;)

Jen xo
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Postby laura » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:33 pm

It can be reallt difficult to get your own time. I remember when my kids where babies and I was at home looking after them :( , very difficult times. I decided that I need my space to stay sane so every day when my husband would come home from work I would go out, walking by myself, to visit a friend or shopping. Some days where pretty bad so my husband would find me dressed and ready to go :lol: other days where better and I didn't feel the need to go out. As the kids got older I needed my evening escapes less and less but it was good to know that I could have them if I needed them.

About the exercise, well...I have an exercise bike in the garage and my 4 yo has like a kids armchair next to it and we listen to kids music and we talk about stuff while I'm riding the bike :lol: . I go to the gym from 7 pm, after dinner and I usually take my 11 yo with me to spend some time together, she also likes to be with the big girls :lol: .
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Postby tiffanyp » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:35 pm

Thanks Jen,
My son wakes around 5am every morning, I manage to get him to sleep for antoher hour or so, but usually he is up when I first get up, and he asks for his breakfast straight away!
(He is 2)
The ONLY gym we have here doesnt open until 6am and the Creche doesnt open until 9am and it closes by 4.30pm (at which time I am at work already) I dont get lunch hours as that is when clients generally call or want to see homes (real estate - who'd do it really??)

A family meeting is a good idea. Maybe I should look at getting a Nanny to come to the house???
All costs money though doesnt it!

Tiff :cry:
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Postby tiffanyp » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:43 pm

You all have great suggestions, and it is so good to hear that most of you get support from your partners.

I think I need to put my foot down with my kids, as the other night I said I was going to go for a walk and my eldest (9) got in an absolute Huff cause she didnt want me to leave the house!

Does it sound like I may have a health issue of saying "YES" all the time!!!

I am sure it is because the kids had me 100% while I was not working, and now six months in from me starting full time work they are clutching at me like 'Perriwinkles' (hope you easterners know what they are! LOL)
They dont see much of me and they are probably just needing some positive attention instead of always seeing their mum rushing from one thing to the next....

Hmmm.... I need to reasses my priorities and have a chat with my hubby I think.

The dumb thing is, on paper this all sounds great, but I know that I can talk until I am blue in the mouth and nothing will change.....

:x
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Postby Jenni » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:53 pm

That sounds crap Tiffany, im so sorry that you are feeling this way. I would soooooo be getting a nany, or even better, you could send them to after school care - from what ive heard its not too expensive. When I was young I went from school to after school care until about 4:30. It was great, I got to socialise with kids outside of school, we had something to eat there, and then mum would pick me up. As for the younger one, maybe daycare is an option? Or why not take your kiddies with you for walks of an evening?

Jen xo
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Postby laura » Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:54 pm

tiffanyp wrote:I think I need to put my foot down with my kids, as the other night I said I was going to go for a walk and my eldest (9) got in an absolute Huff cause she didnt want me to leave the house!


You should've taken her with you :wink: . This way would've have the exercise and the one-to-one time with your daughter.
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Postby masm » Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:07 pm

laura wrote:
tiffanyp wrote:I think I need to put my foot down with my kids, as the other night I said I was going to go for a walk and my eldest (9) got in an absolute Huff cause she didnt want me to leave the house!


You should've taken her with you :wink: . This way would've have the exercise and the one-to-one time with your daughter.


I agree! My 9yo stepdaughter did 3kms with me the other day, I was a bit dubious and didnt think she could keep up but she did really well. We ran some of the way and did a few sprints and then we walked the rest. It was nice to get away from the "boys" as well. She also did a whole session of Tae Bo with me too the other day! :shock:
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Postby Ally » Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:46 pm

Hi Tiffany I can't offer any advice on the hubby bit as mine is the envy of just about everyone I know....but, I agree that you need time to yourself! I also think along the same lines as the others...to take your child with you....Let her know though that she is walking with you and not the other way around....I troop my four out with me and they know that it is my time to do what I need to do, so most of the time they are either walking with me or ahead of me, so I know where they are. My hubby comes too and will often wander ahead with the kids to give me a bit of space. Don't let the kids stop you from exercising!! Improvise if you have to and let them ride their bikes while you walk....I hope this helps a little and I am sorry that you are feeling a little stressed ATM!!
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Postby tiffanyp » Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:08 pm

ok! I am all fired up! I am still at work, but I have rung and put an apology in for the meeting that i was meant to attend tonight.
I am going home to talk to my husband and arrange some 'ME' time, I am then going to sit my eldest down (the youngest wont understand at this point in time) and explain to her what I need to do and invite her along on my walks if she wishes to come.

It is blowing a revolting Northerly wind here and is around 36degrees (blahhh yuck)... do I HAVE to go walking tonight...???

Maybe I will start tomorrow night when the weather is not so awful.... (Im making excuses now...but I hate north winds - I feel like all the moisture is sucked out of me the moment I go outside :cry: , and my hair goes awful - I have curly hair that is prone to frizzing, so you can imagine how I look!)

Thanks so much my dear Forum Friends. You have picked me up today from my lowness.

Tiffany :) [/img]
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Postby Lolly » Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:17 pm

Good luck with the family meeting Tiff!!

I go walking with my sister, her 2 boys and my son after work - I get to her place to pick up Nathan, she has all the kids ready to roll and we go - the kids on their bikes and us on foot and they have a ball.

You will also find it easier to get the kids to bed at night if they are exercising with you as well because their little bodies get sooooo tired from Mummys walk :wink:
Every day I am getting thinner and thinner.....


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Re: "ME" time

Postby ~Rose~ » Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:10 am

Hi Tiff I'm Rose and new here but when I read your post and some of your battles sounded familiar and I thought a couple of suggestions I had might help.
When I used to work really long hours I was fortunate enough to have a hubby who helped out as much as he could, but there was a period of time when I got fairly sick and we were both doing long hours and with 2 littlies, I had to let hubby know I wasn't coping and just needed alittle extra help. So we hired a cleaning lady for alittle while, she wasn't too expensive at all about $12 an hr I think. I would get her in for only 1hr 3 days a week so it only cost $36, but what she could get done during that time so just sooooo helpful.
Also not sure on your kids ages, mine are 7 & 9 now but what I do is a pocket money chart for them and they can earn 50c a chore or loose 50c for misbehaviour etc., so not only does it help disipline and teach them about money but it gives me alittle extra free time, because I don't have to water plants, or feed the animals etc. and I also give them 50c for going to bed well and when they are told to. Alot of these are just little things, but they do add up and help get that little extra me time :)
Anyway hope its alittle help, and I hope your family can find a solution, because you do need and deserve a bit of time to yourself and not just for excising but also for your wellbeing.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”


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