It is currently Thu Oct 27, 2016 6:12 am
jene1985 wrote:Hello my names Jennifer but most people call me Jen Im a 22 year old female I have been reading other peoples stories and decided to try to be brave and share my own.
I currently weigh about 79 kilos have been as heavy as 96kgs Im only 150cm so I still have a bit to loose yet. I was brought up vegetarian and junk food free my mother never allowed me to eat junk food so as a kid I was thin and if anything to healthy physically. Your probably wondering what went wrong well Ive had alot of trauma in my life abuse etc I buried alot for a long time it came back to bite me I developed several mental illnesses and about age 12 was put on medication for my problems. The meds caused me to pile on weight id only have to look at a pizza and id gain weight I spent most of my teenage years in and out of mental hospitals. My mum developed breast cancer when I was about 4 she never was really able to be the mother she wanted to be and the mum I needed so I grew up very quickly being mother to her when I was 16 she passed away I was in hospital at the time myself and didnt get to say goodbye. Anyway after she died any hope that I had of a better life jumped out the window and I died along with her I never turned to food for comfort when I was sad etc I would starve myself most of you would know that doesnt work makes you put on more weight more I put on the more I hated myself. I was bullied at school all my life not for being fat but because everyone thought I was crazy even my doctors gave up on me I didnt care Id given up on myself long before that.
I had nothing to live for no one who I felt loved by the one person who ever understood me wwas gone. I tried to end my life many times never succeeded and just like my efforts to loose weight I just felt like a failure which made me more depressed. In 2004 I was assulted and my life turned upside down once again I had to move try to get hold of myself again. My life is still a huge struggle for me getting through one day is like winning the lottery because I know as long as Im still alive and fighting there is hope for me one of my dreams is to one day walk into a shop and not even have to look at the sie just know i can wear what I want to learn to love who I am and want to live.. I dont know if this will help anyone but this is my journey
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