It is currently Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:57 am
bg wrote:Hi there
First post. I've been, how can I put it, 'lurking' around this forum for a while getting inspiration but feel that now is the time I could really do with some more help.
A bit about me: At the beginning of the year, weighing 110KG and pretty much knowing that I would probably have a heart attack
by the age of 35 (I'm 27 by the way), I decided that I really had to change my life.
I got myself a trainer (that's another story) and gradually started to turn things around. I'm now 90KG.
When I started out I was addicted to McDonalds - sometimes 3 times a day. I hated it but just couldn't stop.
I obviously changed that to lose any weight at all but I have been stuck on 90KG for 3 months now as I am slipping back
into old habits, bit by bit. I know that had I kept control of my eating I would be so close now to my
goal of 70KG, and that in its self is really depressing.
I love the gym and my trainer, I run all the time now (I even ran the 12km Bridge to Brisbane this year) and my trainer
is amazed at my fitness level for my weight. Its like there is a small fit person hiding inside this cloak of fat and I just don't know how to get out. I have hit a brick wall.
Every evening I make a new resolution and say 'this is it' but have always failed by the next morning.
I don't make un-realistic resolutions like eating lettuce and water or anything, but its almost as though somebody
else has taken control of my mind and I no longer have control or decision making abilities.
I will give you an example; when I go to queue up for MacDonald's I know its bad, I don't actually want it and everything (inner voices) are saying 'why are you here, you don't want this, you don't like this'. I buy the 'food'and sit down to eat it (I always hide so nobody I know sees me) and I eat it all, still not enjoying any of it but feeling somehow 'compelled' to eat even though by this point I am usually on the verge of tears.
I'm not back to the amounts of previous days and know that I have only maintained my weight and not gained due
to the amount of exercise I do, but I also realise that it is only a matter of time before my metabolism slows to a crawl and it starts to pile back on.
The other sad thing is that I have loved the personal training so much that I decided that once I had reached my goal I
was looking to start training to be a pt myself. How can I possibly do that if I have such an eating disorder.
I thought I had got over this and couldn't bare to go back to my old self.
I have got to the point where I can only completely control what I eat by making it impossible for me to buy by
giving my other half my cash cards and cash, but this is obviously impractical all the time.
I carry food with me so I wont be without when I'm hungry, but I usually 'forget' about it when those out of control moments happen.
My gym is closing on the mid December and I wanted to use this date as a goal day. I'm just hoping to get my s%^t together now so that this isn't another failed plan in my life after so many.
Any help gratefully received. I'm just so lost.
Please feel free to pm or email me, I would love to hear from you as I feel so lonely and closed off from everybody at the moment
as I hide most of these things as I am just so embarrassed about my situation and how I'm letting things go when so many people
have been so proud of me so far and I cant let them see I'm losing it.
Thankyou for reading
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