I have not posted in this area section yet, but have thoroughly enjoyed reading the posts here. I didn't think I had any real stories to tell. I have been a big girl most of my life for a couple of reasons.. All the women on my Mum's side are big, not huge, but we are all tall and have a bit of meat on us even at our smallest, I ate badly and despised all exercise. No real story there, but things have changed in the last month, just little things, that have made me feel fantastic. I feel proud and would like to share it with you...
You know in the movies when a couple gets married and the hubby carries his wife over the threshold, well that used to make me sad, because I never ever thought I would be small enough for any man to pick me up, let alone carry me somewhere. I imagined my new hubby and I (should I ever get married) would walk ourselves over the threshold, one at a time, because I would need as much room as I could get. But in the last month, my boyfried has been able to pick me up. He picks me up and I can wrap my legs around him and we kiss and cuddle and I feel on top of the world. The tears are welling in my eyes now just thinking about it because I honestly, deep down always believed that no one would ever be able to pick me up, let alone pick me up, hold me and kiss and cuddle me!!
My boyfriend has always told me that he likes a girl with some meat, something to hold onto. This never made me feel more attractive or less self conscious about my appearance, but I did believe him. Of late he has made so many spontaneous comments about me "disappearing", about how far he can get his arms around me now, that all the bits he loved just get better and better. He always loved me, I know that, and he has always found me attractive, I know that too, but it is really, really nice to know and hear that my efforts are not only making me feel better, but he is enjoying the changes too.
My closest girlfriend has heard me talk about losing weight for years now. Literally years. Each and every time I have started a diet she has been on board, trying to inspire me to keep going and always telling me that I look like I have lost weight. I always failed though. When I told her this past January that this was the time (which I had said many times before), that I was going to lose the weight and that was that she was not as supportive as she had been previous times. I got the feeling that she was thinking to herself "I have heard that before". After a month or so I guess I surprised her because all of sudden she was right back by my side with her inspirational speeches on my bad days, and the positive comments on the little changes. In the last 2 weeks her reactions to seeing me have given me the biggest boost. Her reactions are so pure, she can not believe what she is seeing; my new womanly shape as opposed to the big, round blob shape. She refers to me as skinny girl when talking about me to our friends and her family. I sort of feel like my losing weight is payment for her constant support and advice. I feel like we are both floating on cloud 9 because of my hard work. I do not think that really explains how I am feeling, but that is the best I can do. Lets just say, I feel great and she is feeling great!
I started my diet in January at which time I was working for a different company than I am now. Last week I went back to my old work to visit. "You have lost so much weight" and "you look fantastic" were the first comments to come out of everyones mouths. When talking to one of the guys there who was the first person to notice my weight loss way back in January/February I told him that I wanted to lose another 18kg and he asked if I was nuts, he looked at me like 18kg more would be too much to lose. That was a great feeling. Had I have said I wanted to lose 18kg 6 months ago no one would have batted an eye lid!
While all of these things and many others have made me feel really positive and proud of myself, I was already feeling that way before any of it happened. The rewards of losing weight go so far beyond the physical appearance. Emotionally I am a different person. I am more confident and out going. I do not want to hide away anymore, instead I want to go out and experience the world that I have been missing. Physically, I am looking better, but I am feeling better too. I have so much more energy, I never feel sluggish anymore. I feel "clean" on the inside.
For anyone out there that has not yet experienced the external rewards I described above, know that they are not nearly as important as the internal rewards that will come to you soon enough. Some days are harder than others... Some days you will feel like it is hopeless and there is no point continuing... But I beg... FIGHT! Push through the hard times because not far away are days that are filled with smiles and happy tears because you will feel healthy and proud and shame will be nothing but a distant memory.
Sorry if that last little bit sounded a bit preachy... I just know how hard it is and want those people who are having a bad day to know that it is worth it... so so so so worth it.