The Healing Process - Shelley's Weight Loss Challenge

[ganymede]

Well, after much thinking and pondering, I have decided that my best course of action is to remain accountable to the wonderful, supportive people on this forum and to be accountable to myself and log why I do the things I do. I have dubbed this "The Healing Process" because as most of you know, I've been going through an extremely difficult break up and I'm truly floundering between logical thoughts about the entire situation and gripping on to a fraying rope that's been tied to an old beat up truck roaring through the Aussie outback

I'm hoping getting my thoughts straight at least about my weight loss journey, then the rest will come in time.

So here goes...

I don't want to dwell on the bad decisions I've made the past few days or the struggle I've been having with the scales, my life, my exercise etc since all of this began. I know I'm a terrible comfort eater and I always have been. Which is silly because as Kim has stated before, that's not an excuse, we don't need to eat bad food to make us feel better because it DOESN'T make us feel better. I think it's like a security blanket more than anything, it tricks my mind into thinking it made me feel better when in actual fact it's just more fat on my thighs

I know I'm struggling and my routine has actually been put out of whack by being back at my parents because I associate most of my bad food habits with living at home as I was doing really well once I moved out. So I need to change those bad habits and force myself to believe that eating well and exercising can be my new and improved habits for a lifetime.

Some of my problem foods at the moment: Energy drinks, pasta, chocolate, liquid breakfasts

I want to break all these problem areas BEFORE I get my Lite n Easy delivered next week to prove to myself that Lite n Easy isn't the quick fix because I currently have no self discipline but that it's an active choice I made to help simplify my life through this healing period and so I can still work on losing weight without it taking over my life.

Below is a list of my personal weight loss goals (baring in mind I still have to weigh in for this week and I need to also be realistic):

Weigh in day will now be Wednesday to coincide with Lite n Easy delivery

23/4: 87kg
30/4: 86kg
7/5: 85kg
14/5: 84kg
21/5: 83kg
28/5: 82kg
4/6: 81kg
11/6: 80kg
18/6: 79kg
25/6: 78kg
3/7: 77kg
14/7: 76kg
21/7: 75kg
28/7: 74kg
4/8: 73kg
11/8: 72kg
18/8: 71kg
25/8: 70kg
1/9: 69.5kg
8/9: 69kg
15/9: 68.5kg
22/8: 68kg
4/10: 67.75kg
11/10: 67.5kg
18/10: 67.25kg
25/10: 67kg
1/11: 66.75kg
8/11: 66.5kg
15/11: 66.25kg
22/11: 66kg
29/11: 65.75kg
6/12: 65.5kg
13/12: 65.25kg
20/12: 65kg (goal)

[DD Diva]

Shelley, I know you'll meet thing challenge and reach your goal without batting an eyelid. If you can do so well, under the circumstances of a failing relationship, just think what you're capable of with a renewed sense of self worth thanks to how much you've lost already!!!

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

[ganymede]

Thanks Diva, you're a true gem! I just ordered my Lite n Easy, delivered the coming Wednesday, I'm excited! Now to get my eating in order and that exercise going... Have come down with some bug too AND I have to see my ex Saturday morning to discuss money My future is far from bright... will try not to "comfort eat" though, it never helps!

[Blitz]

Discussions about money are never pretty...unless they are between you and the lottery commission!
Wish you all good on that. Just remember money isn't everything about life...stuff like your healthy remind us all the time how true that is.

Stuff like: energy drinks, pasta, chocolate and liquid breakfasts need to be combated at the front line. If it doesn't make it into the shopping trolley then it doesn't make it down your gullet.

The two that concern me on your list the most are the energy drinks and the liquid breakfasts. Energy drinks are far too dense in caffeine and calories to do you any good. It is like hitting yourself with a house brick...do you really need the pain? And like the house brick...you will feel so much better when you stop dosing yourself with it. The problem with liquid breakfasts is they don't set you up for a successful day. Eat a good solid breakfast to kick start your body into working your metabolism. You are a grown adult - chew your food...pureed foods are for babies without teeth and matured stomachs. A good breakfast is the foundation stone of a good day.

Pasta is ok. The problem is usually about portion control and/or the past sauces. Pasta will give your stomach a good full feeling thus staving off hunger pangs that could undermine your success. If you look at those frozen weight watcher type meals at the supermarket - most of them are pasta based. They are however portioned controlled and with healthy sauces.

As for chocolate...moderation...moderation...moderation! Real chocolate (dark - not that sugar and fat type that pretends to be chocolate) is beneficial - if taken in small doses. The key question for most chocoholic is "are you really addicted to chocolate or is it sugar/fat that you are addicted to?" For most chocoholics the real answer is sugar/fat. When given real chocolate most turn up their noses to it.

Really happy that you are journaling your journey like this. You will find it very helpful and insightful...not to mention the accountability it brings!
Well done!

Kim

[JP1]

Good luck Shelley and I'll be mirroring your losses all the way down, albeit 10Kgs above you ..

[ganymede]

I wish it was simply a conversation with the lottery commission regarding which account to deposit my heft winnings into The anxiety of meeting him and seeing him again will be enough to stave my hunger and we are meeting in a public place (his idea) as I assume he wants to avoid a scene. I'm a bit offended that he would think I'd chuck a wobbly at him but I AM concerned I might cry because I miss him and wish we were meeting under different circumstances.

Sorting out this house mess is just ruining me. I feel tired all the time, on the verge of "coming down with something" everyday, no energy and low mood. I just want answers but no one can give them to me! It's a long process and I wish it wasn't, I feel like I'm in limbo or standing on the edge of a cliff hanging on for dear life. A lot of the reason my food has been suffering I think though I've made it as a "good excuse" and it's anything but.

Isn't it silly that when our bodies are probably screaming at us to do right by it, we comfort eat and only make things worse? I often wonder if the "hard times" excuse has a lot to do with the evolutionary trait still ingrained in us that if we don't eat ALL of this food right now, in a month or so it won't be available because the winter will take hold and food will be sparse. I know that's an excuse in itself but it's not why I'm bringing it up, it's just interesting.

I took the plunge and weighed myself this morning and I was so angry at myself for letting the ball drop

CW: 88.8kg

Some of that may be excess weight/fluid but I'm still taking it as what it is which is a reminder that if you don't eat well and exercise, the scales will creep upward very quickly!!! I refuse to see the 90's again, EVER.

I've started off today slow so as not to set myself up for a fail. I am having vita brits with sultanas and warm skim milk for breakfast and I have some toast with salmon and light philli for lunch + fruit for snacks. I feel grose from all the bad foods I've been indulging in and every time I KNOW I feel better once I'm back on track. Damn mind games

I ordered my Lite n Easy, it comes next Wednesday so my weigh in will be Thursday. Exercise will still be a struggle to fit in, depending on what appointments I need to make and all of that. I hope to fit in exercise at least 5 days, I will see how the week tracks.

I guess my mind is just all over the place at present, I'm stressed about getting everything sorted, I want out NOW but I want the process done properly, I just hope it all works out the way I hope.

Thank you Kim for your amazing input as always, I have read it and will read it again every time I want to make a silly decision. I can and WILL do this!

[JP1]

Chin up Shelley, what's done and all that.. Get this weekend out of the way and I'm sure you'll be on the way back up.. look after yourself and keep your mind focused on the goal..

[DD Diva]

Hey Shelley, I'll second what JP said!!! What's done etc.....

Given the crap you've had to endure, I think you've done pretty well!! I'd have probably comfort eaten my way to oblivion; in fact, when my first marriage broke down I actually thought that was what was going to happen, but you know, the complete opposite did....I lost HEAPS and after a year of enjoying my new found freedom, landed myself a toy boy (only 6 years my junior but hey?!) and now hubby #2

So keep up the good work and before you know it, you'll be fighting them off with a stick!!!

[ganymede]

I feel like I've already comfort eaten my way to oblivion But I really don't want to let this defeat me and if anything, me being busy and focused on other things will probably make it easier to get some kg's out of the way and back to where I want to be. I just need to hold on, breathe deeply, sleep a LOT and remember at the end of the day, what happens, happens and my health is most important. I suppose my biggest stress right now is making sure all this separation stuff gets done properly so when I'm out, I'M OUT!

Diva, with a sense of humour like that, it's no wonder you found yourself a great new man I'm very happy for you and I hope one day I feel the same. Right now though, the thought of other men feels really WRONG, is that normal!?

The main thing I'm struggling with at the moment is the memories. Everything reminds me of when it was good, EVERYTHING!!!! So my gut and mind are constantly traveling down memory lane and then I get this sinking feeling because I know I'll never have that again with him. It's a kick in the gut because despite everything else, I've lost my best friend and things will NEVER be the same. It's a lot to wrap my head around because I'm still so use to the way things were.

Anyway, all the same, I'M more important. And I need this more than ever now because there's no "comfort" in a new relationship ie, I need to look my best and feel my best!

[Blitz]

Shelley good work for starting to turn that boat around before it hit that iceberg labelled "the 90's"! I know you may feel like that you are travelling on the good ship Titanic but I believe that the ship you are on is named Enterprise - and pretty soon you will be boldly going where no Shelley has gone before (shedding light years of weight to boot!). I know there is a better future out there for you and this journey you are on will get you there!

I have a feeling once you and him get into the deeper financials...your fond memories of him will develop a deeper perspective!...just try not to throw too many condiments at him, ok?

Here is a prophecy for you. You will laugh about all this one day. Not today, not tomorrow but one day sooner than you could possibly believe.

Kim

[DD Diva]

Diva, with a sense of humour like that, it's no wonder you found yourself a great new man I'm very happy for you and I hope one day I feel the same. Right now though, the thought of other men feels really WRONG, is that normal!?

Hey Shelley, it's perfectly normal. It took my "toy boy" husband years before I agreed to walk down the isle again, something I vowed NEVER to do again. In fact it too me almost as long to admit I actually "loved" him (I was that fearful of getting hurt again).
I know that no words can reassure you adequately right now but do take heart; you will get through this and (as Blitz rightly prophesized) you'll look back on all this one day through the eyes of a better, stronger and definitely much happier person for it.
My thoughts are with you Shelley, and remember, we're all here for you.
xx
Diva

[ganymede]

Shelley good work for starting to turn that boat around before it hit that iceberg labelled "the 90's"! I know you may feel like that you are travelling on the good ship Titanic but I believe that the ship you are on is named Enterprise - and pretty soon you will be boldly going where no Shelley has gone before (shedding light years of weight to boot!). I know there is a better future out there for you and this journey you are on will get you there!

I have a feeling once you and him get into the deeper financials...your fond memories of him will develop a deeper perspective!...just try not to throw too many condiments at him, ok?

Here is a prophecy for you. You will laugh about all this one day. Not today, not tomorrow but one day sooner than you could possibly believe.

Kim

When you talk Star Trek to a sci-fi girl, you're bound to make her feel better! I think I'll let Captain Picard steer the ship for awhile at low warp so as not to drift into the Neutral Zone But yes, currently it feels like I'm on the Titantic but there are multiple icebergs to be dodged and the feelings just keep slapping me in the face! I hadn't seen my ex since everything came out in the open which was 3 whole weeks ago. It's so easy to delude yourself into thinking you're some semblance of "okay" when you don't have to see him or be around him. The memories you can swat away if you really try but seeing him flesh and blood was just SO much worse. In the grand scheme of things, I didn't feel the need to throw any condiments at him and he even bought him a hash brown and a cuppa (I only had half because he looked really sad that I wouldn't eat it lol). As far as money talks go, it went smoothly and he's fairly certain my figures will be smack on the money (pun intended) and he wants to settle this as stress free as possible.

What has made it harder is that he acts like himself still, just a really messed up version who has really royally screwed things up and he even went to do the comforting leg rub he use to do then realised his mistake. It's so damn HARD I just want to scream at him "Why won't you give me a CHANCE, you never even gave it a chance!!!" but there's nothing left to say that will change anything. And I can't hang on and delude myself into hoping one day he'll realise he's made the biggest mistake of his life and come grovelling with long stemmed roses and a plate of bacon. Despite him betraying me and all of that, I can't help but feel like I'm giving up SO much, so much work and friendship and bonding and all for something so stupid.

Anyway, I know I'm just fragile from seeing him but not really BEING with him and I woke up with a migraine that I went to bed with And all I want to do is go for a massive jog but I'm worried I'll throw up. I did manage to jog 15 minutes again last night which was the most amazing feeling so I don't want to let the ball drop as I'm creeping back to bad, BAD numbers that I never want to see again!

Diva, with a sense of humour like that, it's no wonder you found yourself a great new man I'm very happy for you and I hope one day I feel the same. Right now though, the thought of other men feels really WRONG, is that normal!?

Hey Shelley, it's perfectly normal. It took my "toy boy" husband years before I agreed to walk down the isle again, something I vowed NEVER to do again. In fact it too me almost as long to admit I actually "loved" him (I was that fearful of getting hurt again).
I know that no words can reassure you adequately right now but do take heart; you will get through this and (as Blitz rightly prophesized) you'll look back on all this one day through the eyes of a better, stronger and definitely much happier person for it.
My thoughts are with you Shelley, and remember, we're all here for you.
xx
Diva

Thank you so much Diva

I know eventually I will and eventually I'll be able to look back on it all without that horrible pang in my chest and the need to cry for an hour straight The trust thing is going to be a massive hurdle in any relationship I start from here on out because I trusted my ex so completely, I defended him even when people were telling me he could be seeing someone else. I believed so deeply that he could never do anything like this - that he must be going through something, depression or a hard time and that was why he was acting so weird. He was the person I trusted the most in the world and look what happened

I will try not to let it reflect on my future though but it may just mean when I do find that right man, I'll have to say "you just have to give me some time".

But for now, HOT BOD for my yet invisible new man!!!

[JP1]

I feel your pain Shelley, never say to lose someone you have been close to but hopefully you'll bounce back stronger and when you do feel like facing life all over again you'll be in a much better place both physically and in your mind.. You go girl!

[Blitz]

Hash Browns? Saboteur!

Well your mission now is to get that HOT BOD for that yet invisible new man.
In the words of our favourite captain; "Make it so - number one!"

Kim

[buttless]

Hey Shel,
im so sorry to hear of the journey u are currently travelling but hey as they say 'what doesnt kill u makes u stronger" u will get thru this & be one hot, strong, bewdiful & extremely happy woman. Do not sell yourself short. I look forward to travelling with u on your journey - girl power